The Influence of Your Family of Origin Lasts a Lifetime! How to Overcome It?

Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler once said, "Happy people are cured by their childhood, unhappy people cure their childhood." The family of origin is a critical factor in shaping our growth, character, and behavior patterns, with profound and lasting effects. So, what exactly is the family of origin, and how can we understand and overcome its influence on us?

Definition of the Family of Origin

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The concept of the family of origin was introduced by psychologist David S. Freeman. It refers to the initial family environment in which a person is born and grows up, typically consisting of parents, siblings, and other relatives, but not limited to blood relations. It emphasizes the child's upbringing environment. This family environment provides our initial socialization process, deeply influencing our values, beliefs, behavior, and emotional responses.

The Impact of the Family of Origin

Psychologist David S. Freeman believes that the interaction patterns within the family of origin, the parenting style of the parents, and the quality of relationships among family members all profoundly affect an individual's self-esteem, confidence, and relationships with others. For example, a child who grows up in an environment of criticism and comparison may develop feelings of inferiority and competitive traits, or may feel worthless, leading to emotions such as helplessness, anxiety, depression, anger, and fear.

When dealing with interpersonal relationships, they may also exhibit unhealthy emotional expression, making it difficult to interact with others, thus further undermining their self-worth and identity. Over time, they may be more likely to repeat the same unhealthy intimate relationships.

Emotional Blackmail in the Family of Origin: A Real-Life Version of Movie “Time Still Turns The Pages”

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In the family of origin, emotional blackmail is a common unhealthy interaction pattern. This behavior not only causes psychological stress to the person being blackmailed but also affects the health of relationships among family members. Children who have experienced emotional blackmail in their youth may face obstacles in their mental and physical health as adults.

In the movie "Time Still Turns The Pages" (年少日記) the protagonist's brother suffers from academic comparisons and harsh treatment from his parents, and the father has a problem with domestic violence. The mother, under pressure to maintain the family, sometimes unconsciously adds stress to the brother, eventually leading to tragedy. This may seem like a plot only found in movies, but real-life versions of such stories happen every day, with the consequences often not immediately apparent but manifesting as the child grows up and faces various aspects of life.

Common Personality and Behavioral Patterns Influenced by the Family of Origin

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The influence of the family of origin can lead to a variety of personality and behavioral patterns, such as excessive accommodation, self-sacrifice, control issues, or avoidance of conflict. Psychologists have found that these patterns often stem from childhood adaptations to the family environment and may become an individual's primary way of solving problems in adulthood, even if they are no longer appropriate.

Professional Support from Psychologists/Psychotherapy Q&A

The influence of the family of origin is profound. How can we identify and address it? We invited Natalie Wu, a registered counseling psychologist from the Hong Kong Psychological Society, to share her insights with us.

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Q1: How can one break free from the bonds of the family of origin?

A: The first step is awareness. Recognize some of your repeated habits and internalized values that come from the influence of your family of origin.

Once you become aware, the second step is to observe how your family of origin has affected you, such as certain personality traits. For example, a woman who was always told by her family that she was not good enough, no matter how well she did, grew up believing she was never good enough. After recognizing these traits, the first step is to avoid immediately repeating habitual behaviors, such as denying your efforts. The second step is to start changing behaviors, such as praising yourself, which is a form of repair.

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Q2: How can one avoid being influenced by the family of origin?

The influence of the family of origin is unavoidable because the growth environment subtly influences a person, whether for better or worse. Although we cannot avoid it, we can change through awareness. Moreover, today you are influenced by your family of origin, and tomorrow you will form your own family, becoming another family of origin. Therefore, it is also crucial to pay attention to how your family of origin has influenced you to avoid repeating the same mistakes.

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Psychology Expert Profile:

Natalie Wu holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology and a Master's degree in Counseling Psychology. She is a registered counseling psychologist with the Hong Kong Psychological Society and a certified clinical hypnotherapist recognized by the Hong Kong Society of Medical and Dental Hypnotherapy and the American International Medical and Dental Hypnotherapy Association. She is also qualified as a mindfulness instructor.

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Photos from Movie "Time Still Turns The Pages"

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